You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
