I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
