Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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