Got a toothbrush?
someone get that fucking seahorse.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
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