I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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