I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize