she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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