i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
