jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
worst night to have a conscience
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
