i wish starbucks made bloody marys
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
