I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
