I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
