Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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