Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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