giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
