how can u be prego again
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
