I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
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