yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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