Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
