Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
