Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You are a booty call, not a friend.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
