if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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