Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
