Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
