Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
