Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i just had sex bonerless
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
