my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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