The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
