Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
