I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Randomize
