I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
