my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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