Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
