Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
