Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
