Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
