We won't sleep together?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
