About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
