I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
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