So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
