meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
