I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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