I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize