We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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