I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
