I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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