My brain says no but my pants say off.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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