The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
