Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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