You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
