He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
