My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
