Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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