Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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