I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
