there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
