my room smells like sperm. sweet.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
