Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
