did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Randomize
