Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
