Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
