Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Randomize
