My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
