I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
