i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
