Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
