ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize