All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
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