What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Randomize
