You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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