so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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