its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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